I have been following an online training with Eckhart Tolle which was very eye opening. Among his many teachings is the thinking about doing versus being. He says there are times to “just be” and not “do”.
All my life until recently I have been focused (or even caught) in the “doing” because that is how our modern society conditions us since we were children. Be first and better at school. Get the best diplomas. Make money. Succeed. Be known for what you achieved. Buy a home. Two homes. Get into the most exclusive places (business or personal). Be the best at what you do and do it bigger. Repeat and get better at it. Bigger.
When you have achieved that then go help change the World. Make that also bigger and tell everyone how you do it.
Getting out of this hamster wheel that never ends is tough since we’re programmed for it all our life. Helping the world is a wonderful goal but not if it’s ego driven.
My most important step seems to work inside now. Discover being and my deepest fears, motivations and desires. Then observe them as S.N Goenka teaches in Vipassana and find the roots.
Why am I doing this or attracted to that? Instead of jumping in the next doing I try to reflect on it and just “be”. I fail often like a meditation. Two hours a day is very long. I want to stop and I don’t. I want to check how much time left and I don’t. I want to relax my straight spine and I don’t. Same goes with life. When the Internet was born for me in 1993 I felt the irresistible call to take part in what I saw as a world changing force for the better.
Today it is obvious that not all of it was for the better of humanity as we have seen in the last U.S. elections for example. I feel the same irresistible force now that attracts me to consciousness and understanding what’s inside of me. This is why I am so focused on trying different spiritual practices until I find the one that resonate and helps me the most. I am convinced this is the most important for me right now.
It’s hilarious that I write here about going inside. Why not just stop communicating entirely as well? Is it my ego that makes me share? Is it my need for recognition but this time “spiritual”?